Name
by Iced Raspberry
Summary: (Rating just cause...it's kind of depressing.) Hi, ya'll! *holds up a "newbie" sign* Be kind to me and my newness. And read and review! Has a little ZAGR in it, but that's not all it's about. Tis a songfic to the Goo Goo Dolls song "Name". Gazfic. Enjoy!


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Okay, hi. I'm all new to I.Z. fanfiction, but not to writing in general. Don't hurt me or flame me for this! It's my first fic for I.Z. (that I actually wasn't afraid to post). I happen to like Zim/Gaz love. ^^ So I wrote it! Kind of. Not all of this is "Zazshippy" (my word!) though. But no slash. Not dissing it or anything but I just don't like it.  
  
Sooo...I found this song to be very Gaz-ish. Enjoy da songficcie!  
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"Name"  
  
She sat, alone, more alone than usual on the small playground. Her back leaning up against the chain-link fence, she bent over some paper and scribbled madly with a black pen.  
  
Black, of course. Everything was always black with her. He hardly understood, but then...these humans were strange in their ways, all of them.  
  
She was just...more so than others.  
  
He stood there, watching her, as a chilly December wind poured over the playground. A few loose pieces of her purple hair flew wildly about the notebook she was still writing in. Still writing, not even pausing to think about what to write next.  
  
He was nosy. He shook off the feeling, wanting to know what she was writing but afraid for his curiosity. Why should he care? She was just another one of them  
  
But then she looked up at him.  
  
~And even though the moment passed me by  
I still can't turn away~  
  
It was only for a second, but it was long enough for him to get nervous. She must have known he was watching her, and he knew she could be a scary person sometimes...  
  
Scared of a human now! He mentally chided himself for such thoughts. Anyway, she didn't really make him scared. More like edgy.  
  
But something in her eyes was different today. Today she was sad...and though he didn't know much about human emotions, he knew what sadness looked like. He could see, in her eyes for that split second, years of pent-up anger, and sadness, and false hopes.   
  
He shuddered. She must have had so many emotional scars. Again he scolded himself for even caring, but somehow it was impossible not to care. He nodded as the words "lost" and "helpless" came to mind. Yes, that's a lot how she looked.  
  
~I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
Tossed along the way~  
  
A few minutes later, she again looked up at him. This time she held her gaze there, and frowned at him. When he didn't leave her alone, she stood up and yanked her notebook from the ground, scattering loose papers everywhere.  
  
She made a low growling noise and quickly grabbed up as many papers as she could before he made his way over to her. When he got there, she was running off in the other direction, but she had missed a paper.  
  
He picked it up. He stole a quick peek at it, and saw his name. If he hadn't seen that, he told himself, he wouldn't have read it. But now he had to!  
  
He muttered to himself as he read it. "My brother is the most annoying creature in the whole universe, but he says Zim is. I don't think Zim is that bad; he likes video games. I think I scare him though. Oh well, I scare everyone, even myself."  
  
Blinking, he stopped reading. He didn't want to know her secrets, even if they were about him.  
  
~Letters that you never meant to send  
Are lost and blown away~  
  
----  
  
"I have to prove it soon, Gaz! It's been too long, he must be planning something really harsh! If I don't prove it--"  
  
"Mankind will be doomed, yeah, whatever," Gaz cut her brother off. It was afternoon of the same day, and she was already angry at having lost a page out of her notebook. For all she knew, some nosy little brat had read it and was going to tell everyone tomorrow over the school intercom.  
  
Dib raised an eyebrow at her. She seemed even more agitated than her usual self. He actually stopped rambling and let her broil in her own misery for awhile.  
  
Gaz didn't even look up until they reached the front door. "It's Thursday," she whispered. "Dad's home...!" She flung the front door open and nearly whacked Dib in the face, then ran into the kitchen where she was certain her father would be.  
  
Her semi-smile faded alltogether when she discovered he wasn't home. A note taped to the table explained that he would be late getting home all the next week, and to warm up leftovers for supper.  
  
Dib sighed and shook his head. "I knew he wouldn't show, Gaz. He always backs out on us for some reason."  
  
~And now we've grown up orphans  
I never knew their names  
We don't belong to no one, that's a shame~  
  
"But...this time he promised," Gaz mumbled, her voice almost a whimper.  
  
Dib was, needless to say, very startled. Gaz never cared before about their family. Or lack thereof. Why should she start now?  
  
"Er...," he began, "I know dad's never here for us anymore."  
  
She looked up at him, for once not angry at him. "Not since Mom died."  
  
Dib nodded in response. "Yeah...and like, I know you really don't like me. But I am your brother, so, you can tell me if you ever need to...talk. Okay?"  
  
Gaz sighed heavily, a harsh sound coming from a young girl. "Okay, Dib." She offered what could be called a smile, a slight upward tug at her lips.  
  
~You could hide beside me  
Maybe for awhile  
And I won't tell no one your name  
I won't tell your name~  
  
----  
  
Her father shook his head, trying to concentrate on his work. He had to clear his thoughts! But he kept drifting back to thinking about his kids. Moreso, his daughter.  
  
Dib had told him how upset she was that he wasn't home the previous night. He hated to do that to them, he really did, but duty called...  
  
But for a girl so young, still in grade school even! Gaz was so depressed. She never showed it, hardly ever, but he was her father. He could tell when she was down in the dumps, and now, that was all the time.  
  
Emotionally scarred for life...without having a mother to grow up with, and hardly having a father around either, he knew life was bearing down on her.  
  
~The scar's a souvenir she'd never lose  
The past is never far~  
  
He had to stop working completely as he realized, he didn't even know what grade she was in! He had no idea how she spent her days, who her friends were, if she even had any.   
  
Had her sudden plunge into deep depression been caused by something he did? Was it Dib's fault? Did someone at school hurt her or wrong her in any way?   
  
Or was she surrounded by close friends? He shook his head yet again, doubting she would let anyone get close to her.  
  
~And did you lose yourself somewhere out there?  
Did you get to be a star?~  
  
Did she even know, understand, comprehend just what she meant to him? He really cared about her, though he hardly had time to show it. What if she didn't know that her life was important?   
  
He couldn't hold in his worry. If she thought that she should be trying to make something out of her life, she could become even more upset. As of currently, she was only a video game-loving little girl with a deceased mother, an annoying brother, and a neglectful father. He sighed.  
  
~Don't it make you sad to know that life  
Is more than who we are?~  
  
----  
  
~You grew up way too fast  
Now there's nothing to believe  
The reruns all become my history~  
  
Zim sat on the steps below the awning of the school a week later, watching as rain fell around him. He dearly wished he could have stayed inside where it was...safe.   
  
The door opened behind him and he glanced up to see who it was, and if he needed to shout at them for some reason or another. Gaz stood beside him, looking out at the other kids.  
  
"Hello," he said shortly. He had no desire to converse with his enemies.  
  
"Just let me sit here," she replied, just as hotheadedly as he.  
  
They sat in silence for a long while, before Zim spoke up slowly.  
  
"You...lost a page in your notebook." He unfolded it from his pocket and handed it to her.  
  
She almost blushed, not wanting him to have read it. She took it from him with a nod. "Did you...read it?"  
  
"Not all of it. Just the part about me."  
  
She sighed, relieved. "The rest was really personal." She paused, realizing suddenly that she almost wished he had read it. At least then someone would know...  
  
"Well, read it anyway." She thrust it back at him. "I guess I feel more like talking than normal. Or maybe I'm just feeling kind."  
  
"Doubt that," he muttered. Then he read the rest of her paper.  
  
"Today is the day my mother died, a long time ago. So long I don't remember her. I know everyone's going to worry why I'm so sad, but no one will remember. Not even Dib. I wish I could just fly really far away and never come back..."  
  
Zim blinked. Her mother was dead? That really explained a lot. He had studied up on humans and their family relationships, so he knew she must be really sad about that.  
  
Gaz had turned to face away from him, and her shoulders were shaking slightly. Even though his head was all in a whirlwind of trying to understand, Zim knew one thing for sure.  
  
"You're crying."  
  
She spun around to face him again, and shouted. "Don't you ever, ever tell anyone!! I mean it, I don't want anyone to know!!"  
  
  
He shook his head before he did something he himself didn't even expect. He reached out, and very lightly put a hand on her shoulder.   
  
Her tear-streaked face held a look of pure suprise. She didn't expect him to be nice to her; rather, she had prepared herself to slap him when he declared her tears to everyone.  
  
But he hadn't.  
  
"I guess I had to be adult before I really could," she whispered shakily. "I have to take care of myself and sometimes...sometimes I cry."  
  
Zim could not believe he was being kind to her, a human! But he noticed it was helping her, so he shrugged and smiled. It wasn't much of a smile at all, but enough that Gaz smiled back.  
  
"Confedentially," he said as he lowered his voice, "sometimes I cry too. Guess that puts us kind of in the same boat."  
  
~A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio  
And I won't tell no one your name  
I won't tell your name~  
  
It was then that the classes began lining up to come back inside. Gaz wiped her eyes on her sleeve and stood up, Zim following.  
  
"Er...thank you, Zim," she said uneasily.  
  
"Yes, your welcome." He shifted just as nervously.  
  
She went back inside with her class, and he stood a moment, watching her. He really must have helped her, he thought. She seemed a little happier than before.  
  
~I think about you all the time  
But I don't need to think~  
  
Her written words came back to him then.  
  
"I wish I could just fly really far away and never come back..."  
  
'Maybe someday, Gaz,' he thought. 'Maybe someday you will.'  
  
~If it's lonely where you are, come back down  
And I won't tell your name~  
  
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The end! Comments, constructive criticism? No flames please, this IS my first I.Z. fic. 


End file.
